Blog: Sunstruck

We're still alive? Huh, that's weird. I was sorta expecting more being-dead and less sun.
Especially the less sun part. I hate the sun. Up here in the cold white north, we have cold things called snow. Which we do love, very much. It warms my shag-carpeted heart when it's freezing cold out, so much that I have trouble breathing. It's quite nice.
Oh, wait. I'm getting word from my sources that no one likes winter around here but me.
Pfff, what do they know? I'm pretty damn sure I'm right. What's not to love with winter? The lovely, soft snowflakes sprinkled throughout the air, the ice covered pines creating frozen pinnacles of frozen beauty, the shimmering bare trees with their earsplitting explosions... It's all great man.
What isn't commonly known and often forgotten is that while the winter kicks your hometown's winter's ass, it is also scorchingly hot here. I don't kid, it's pretty much winter in the south for us up here. Maybe a bit colder, but seriously, it's freakin' hot.
I see the doubt in your chin. It makes you look stupid, so you honestly should take my advice and stop doing that. Let me assure you, up here we DO have beaches. Not just rocky cliffs. And yes, people swim the beaches. Hell, people swim in the rivers. RIVERS! And we don't freeze. People can tan outside here, just as people need sun-block when going outside. Look, we're normal! Noorrrrrrrrrrmallll!

Your doubt also makes me sad

I can understand why you might think we northern-noids are all different and stuff. We have this weird thing called 'awesomeness' around here. Now, I don't want to suggest southerners don't have this stuff, but let me tell you something: I haven't exactly been down south for very long. The only time was when I had to be smuggled out of the country for the fear that my presence might cause a riot of fans form. And that's a true story, by the way. I'm pretty much the most awesome person ever.
Besides one of my pals, Evil. Evil is currently too busy dancing being Prussian or something to be here for an interview, but trust me, she's out there. And by Prussian, I mean she's an albino with a bird on her head. I think. Eh, let me check my facts.
Sorry about that. It turns out Evil is actually- wait for it by reading this sentence twice- Polish. Polish! That means she... uh... I need to get my stereotype book out. I really should research before doing these things...
It turns out Evil is actually stupid, lazy, uneducated... Anyone getting a little De Ja Vu? I need to ask Evil later if she's sure she's Polish and not a pure American.
Being Polish though, I can say one thing about Evil for sure: Her country has gone through a whole ton of stuff man. It was used to kill Jews in WWII, taken over by neighboring countries millions of times and also, a country a normal American has never heard of. (Up to WWII studies, of course. But I suppose they forget after year or so.) And if good ol' America hasn't heard of it, then it certainly isn't very important... Something pretty good or bad by different perspectives. It could be good, as America will have difficulty declaring war on a country it's never heard of, but also bad as any Poles in America will have to explain Poland is not a county in Russia every time they meet someone.
I think it's about time I leave- There's a pretty big crowd outside of people I refer to in my blog without their consent. I'm sorry guys! I just can't help it!